Post by awanderingspirit on May 20, 2018 17:05:40 GMT -5
Who am I? What am I? It doesn't matter. I am nobody. I would rather remain anonymous anyway.
I'm not trying to troll anybody or offend anybody for the sake of being offensive. I'm just trying to warn any present and future members of this forum of the truth, as I see it. I won't be able to close this dark and unpleasant chapter of my life without saying my peace and at least trying to warn people. Trust me when I say you don't know what you're getting yourself into.
I know, you're young. I know, you don't want to listen. I know reality is terrifying and very boring. But that's okay. Because reality is always going to be there for you when you're ready to come out of hiding.
I have lived with this kind of thing in my head for over a decade. And nothing good has come of it. It's only brought me pain and suffering for year after year until I was finally forced to burn my bridges and end it once and for all. I will never forget the things I said and did, the countless horrible and embarrassing mistakes I made. But I can move on and try to learn from them.
This is not a decision you are ever going to be able to live with. This is a secret that will tear you up inside, and if you tell people about it, you will only humiliate yourself. You'll always and forever be known as the person who actually believes they're a fictional character. Nobody will understand you, some will attack you, and you'll be forced to live your life in the shadows. Because the internet never forgets.
This isn't about finding your identity. It's about stealing one. It's about giving yourself a bigger ego without anything to back it up. The character's ego becomes your ego. Anything that harms it will harm you, until it destroys you. It will turn the years into CENTURIES. And not in a good way. You will die again and again, with no thought to what you could have been. What you could have done with your life.
You will never live up to that character, their personality, the great things they did, the great life they lead. Because you can't. Fantasy is always more exciting than reality. Expecting too much from reality will only drive you crazy. And what's even worse is when someone else comes along claiming to be the same character, but they are a thousand times more convincing than you are. You absolutely cannot compete with one another like that. You are you and they are them. You cannot change yourself to the core.
Somewhere along the way, I came up with the idea to stop obsessing over the past and start creating a future, dreaming it up and making that the foundation of my beliefs. But the identity of that character remained, resurrected in some distant future world. It didn't matter in the end. Tying yourself to a fictional character is a dead end street. It will only end in despair, nervous breakdowns and being left alone in this world.
If you cannot let go of the past, if you cannot live happily in this world, if you cannot turn the burning light of your imagination to the future and to worlds and characters nobody has ever heard of yet, then being an Otakukin will not make your life any better. It will not magically give you the hope and the self esteem you need. It will not magically give you the life you want. All it will do is give you a momentary self-affirming feeling that will disappear in time.
If you listen to nothing else, listen to this. If you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it. You have to learn to live with the possibility of being wrong. You have to learn to live in this world as well. You can still have dreams and beliefs without it having to revolve around an existing fictional character. And it will make the journey to the grave, to the life you really want, so much easier and less of an ordeal to be endured.
Would I like to believe in reincarnation, in there being infinite possibilities and infinite universes out there to explore and be incarnated in as an infinity of people? Yes, of course I would. Would I like to believe I lived some sort of life in Thatcher's Britain, even if I was just an ordinary person? Would I like to believe that I can be anyone I want in the future? Of course. But whether I believe it or not, will not change the truth, whatever that truth is.
Maybe this life is the only one I will ever know. Maybe it isn't. There's only one way to find out, and I'm not willing to do that. I've got my own dreams, my own life that's worth living. Maybe I'll be a success, maybe I won't, but you gotta be in it to win it I guess. As Vic Fontaine would say,"You've got to play the cards life deals you. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but at least you're in the game."
So to all my former enemies, and those I've alienated with my arrogance and hubris, my stubborn foolishness and my critically poor social skills. You were right, and I was wrong.
I'm not trying to troll anybody or offend anybody for the sake of being offensive. I'm just trying to warn any present and future members of this forum of the truth, as I see it. I won't be able to close this dark and unpleasant chapter of my life without saying my peace and at least trying to warn people. Trust me when I say you don't know what you're getting yourself into.
I know, you're young. I know, you don't want to listen. I know reality is terrifying and very boring. But that's okay. Because reality is always going to be there for you when you're ready to come out of hiding.
I have lived with this kind of thing in my head for over a decade. And nothing good has come of it. It's only brought me pain and suffering for year after year until I was finally forced to burn my bridges and end it once and for all. I will never forget the things I said and did, the countless horrible and embarrassing mistakes I made. But I can move on and try to learn from them.
This is not a decision you are ever going to be able to live with. This is a secret that will tear you up inside, and if you tell people about it, you will only humiliate yourself. You'll always and forever be known as the person who actually believes they're a fictional character. Nobody will understand you, some will attack you, and you'll be forced to live your life in the shadows. Because the internet never forgets.
This isn't about finding your identity. It's about stealing one. It's about giving yourself a bigger ego without anything to back it up. The character's ego becomes your ego. Anything that harms it will harm you, until it destroys you. It will turn the years into CENTURIES. And not in a good way. You will die again and again, with no thought to what you could have been. What you could have done with your life.
You will never live up to that character, their personality, the great things they did, the great life they lead. Because you can't. Fantasy is always more exciting than reality. Expecting too much from reality will only drive you crazy. And what's even worse is when someone else comes along claiming to be the same character, but they are a thousand times more convincing than you are. You absolutely cannot compete with one another like that. You are you and they are them. You cannot change yourself to the core.
Somewhere along the way, I came up with the idea to stop obsessing over the past and start creating a future, dreaming it up and making that the foundation of my beliefs. But the identity of that character remained, resurrected in some distant future world. It didn't matter in the end. Tying yourself to a fictional character is a dead end street. It will only end in despair, nervous breakdowns and being left alone in this world.
If you cannot let go of the past, if you cannot live happily in this world, if you cannot turn the burning light of your imagination to the future and to worlds and characters nobody has ever heard of yet, then being an Otakukin will not make your life any better. It will not magically give you the hope and the self esteem you need. It will not magically give you the life you want. All it will do is give you a momentary self-affirming feeling that will disappear in time.
If you listen to nothing else, listen to this. If you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it. You have to learn to live with the possibility of being wrong. You have to learn to live in this world as well. You can still have dreams and beliefs without it having to revolve around an existing fictional character. And it will make the journey to the grave, to the life you really want, so much easier and less of an ordeal to be endured.
Would I like to believe in reincarnation, in there being infinite possibilities and infinite universes out there to explore and be incarnated in as an infinity of people? Yes, of course I would. Would I like to believe I lived some sort of life in Thatcher's Britain, even if I was just an ordinary person? Would I like to believe that I can be anyone I want in the future? Of course. But whether I believe it or not, will not change the truth, whatever that truth is.
Maybe this life is the only one I will ever know. Maybe it isn't. There's only one way to find out, and I'm not willing to do that. I've got my own dreams, my own life that's worth living. Maybe I'll be a success, maybe I won't, but you gotta be in it to win it I guess. As Vic Fontaine would say,"You've got to play the cards life deals you. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but at least you're in the game."
So to all my former enemies, and those I've alienated with my arrogance and hubris, my stubborn foolishness and my critically poor social skills. You were right, and I was wrong.